I was recently devastated to learn that Dave Hollis has passed away.  Why?  Well, first and foremost he has four youngish children and I know first-hand the path they and his ex-wife will walk in these coming months and years.  Second, I had just found his writing and Built Through Courage had a profound impact on me.  In fact,  as soon as I started listening to the audiobook I ordered a physical copy it was just that good.  I was looking forward to his future works and had reached out to him on LinkedIn to talk about how his philosophy could help victims of domestic violence.  So, as I recently got in my car on a long road trip, I pulled up the audiobook for Get Out of Your Way and was not disappointed.

  • First, as I listened I reflected on the fact that his children have not one, but two books filled with his words.  They have podcast episodes to hear his voice and absorb his wisdom.  Forever.  That is a gift
  • He talked about self-deprecating humor – which happens to be one of my superpowers and how you are putting down yourself.  I realize that I do this in an effort to put myself down before others can.  That was eye-opening.   When I am “in it” making fun of myself I’m actually contributing to and amplifying my negative self-talk.
  • Hope is not a strategy…you need to consistently work a strategy and make adjustments along the way.
  • Connect with others through shared experience.  This is one of my gifts.
  • There is NOTHING wrong with asking for help.  Raise your hand…”I need help” and get out of your mess.  
  • Vulnerability is your Super Power….yes, yes it is.
  • The judgment of others IS NOT a reflection you at all.  When others judge it is ONLY a reflection of them.  If you are building your dream others are going to judge – they are mad and jealous you are going for it.  They are insecure, and challenged by your ambition and drive.  They are frustrated in their own inability.
  • While he didn’t say this I also had the realization that life is a 7-day experience each and every week.  You don’t take the weekend off.
  • You are responsible for your brand…not how others perceive you but definitely what you put out. What are the top 10 things you can consistently do to so people believe or see your brand?
  • Make sure your actions align with your vision.
  • He shared the sermon of a preacher he had heard who encouraged listeners to decide if they wanted to be a thermostat or a thermometer.  Thermostats are set for what is desired and are proactive in making it happen.  Thermometers just react.
  • How many times in your life were you someone else so others liked you?  to make someone else happy?
  • You and your partner should take turns being the leader.  It doesn’t make you appear weak.  Abusers don’t do this.  They don’t allow this.
  • It got me thinking about abuse – how transactional the relationship is.  I used his health insurance for a year therefore we should file taxes together – I reaped the benefit and therefore so should he.  The truth is that by filing taxes together I lost money.  By being on his health insurance I paid the monthly bill.  In either scenario, there was no money leaving his pocket which is…as I have come to learn…exactly how he wanted it.
  • Boundaries are critical for everyone in your life.  Your spouse…close friends…family members do not get a pass on respecting your boundaries simply because of your history or what they have done for you.
  • When you have a goal it is critical to decide the few things that are going to get in your way and then figure out a way to learn and/or delegate.
  • Everything does come from love and you also have to look at how you process your life….Show/receive, self-love, political affiliation, optimism/pessimism, growth or fixed mindset, intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, limited beliefs, money, parenting.

He then finished out the book with a great list of things you must do now to improve all aspects of your life.

  1. Define your operating principles:  the truths you live by how you go about doing things.
  2. Do something passionate about
  3. Find a mentor
  4. Get out of your comfort zone
  5. Develop initiates
  6. Provide solutions and value
  7. How do you meet your goals by starting today?
  8. Maniacle boundaries with people of the opposite sex.
  9. How would the greatest version of you show up today?
  11. Where are you at your best and worst
  12. Leverage – create urgency and let your future create motivation to get it done now.
  13. Paint a wildly specific picture of what you want. What would it take to get your there? It will give you the breadcrumbs.
  14. What are you aiming for?
  16. The choices you make on where you spend your time show what you value.  You can spend 3 hours on the couch binge watching Netflix but have to understand, you are then showing the powers
  17. HEALTH – take care of your health.