This is a warning…many of you will be shocked with this tale.  In fact, for those who know me well, you may sit in disbelief.  Afterall, I do not spoil my children.  They have what they need, there is an occasional treat, but they save for things they want, ride public transportation, and work during the summers.

As you read this you may judge my parenting…and I get that.  Honestly, what I did was beyond comprehension and I am still a bit embarrassed.

You see, a few weeks ago on a late Sunday morning I sat my children down for a family meeting and informed them they we were moving to PA over the summer.  I was faced with hysterical tears, sobbing children begging me not to go.  And so, as I looked into their eyes and saw their crushed little souls being yanked from the only home and school system they had ever know, I did, what any other modern parent in 2015 would do…I asked a simple question:

“Who wants a new Iphone 6?”

As the words left my mouth I wondered what demon had possessed my body.  New phones were combined Christmas/Birthday gifts – I’m not sure if I have ever just purchased any of them a new phone.

I spent some time attempting to convince myself that the really “needed” the new phones.  One had a cracked screen she could seriously injure herself (you know you have heard about all those iphone injuries).  The youngest had a phone that would no longer hold a charge – so the only way to use the phone was to plug it into the wall…the horror in this day and age.

But what was this all really about…..Mommy Guilt.

So yes, we marched right into the AT&T store and while I did attempt to get the cracked screen upgrade covered by my insurance plan (it would only replace the 5 not upgrade to the 6), I looked into their little eyes and authorized our AT&T helper to load them up with brand new 6’s.  I…am….pathetic.

Now, when you get new phones at AT&T, it takes as long as watching the Titantic.  New plans are explained, things signed, computers crash, shopping carts do not upgrade, phones need to be retrieved from storage, plugged in and set-up.  During the time we spent with  our salesperson he heard the reason for our visit…and about the sadness…and also heard me say….

“Look, you have new iphone 6’s…no more tears…you have been sufficiently spoiled.”

Who the hell was I saying this to my children?

At this point it really didn’t matter.  I was completely out of control.  I paid my $99 for each new phone, signed away another $30 in monthly fees to AT&T and happily marched out of the store thinking what else I could “get them.”  I had a devil on one shoulder and angel on the other each making the same arguments and each speaking from both my heart and head.  My voice of reason had exited the building with Elvis and I was determined to “make them happy.”  I was a hot mess operating from a place of “solving their problems.”  I was the very parent who created monster children.

Reason kicked in as we made our way back into the car.  I was quite satisfied with my lunacy but knew it had to end.  It made everyone laugh, did dry the tears, and we bonded over the endless time we were in AT&T.

Of course, within the first two weeks of having said phones two of the precious cherubs chewed through 60% of our data plan…this, when, they are connected to wifi most of the day.  So now cell phones have been banned from the second floor of the house…

They really don’t make this parenting shit easy…do they?